Dear Charlie,

You're seven years old. Thinking about that for more than a second brings tears to my eyes.

At some point, when you boil it all down, my job is BEING HERE for you. And given my health, every birthday that I celebrate with you, every Christmas we have together, that's a freakin' win, kid.

(And yes, I used the F word, we get one a day, remember?)

I love you so much. Your mom and I are both busy people, but we try so hard to make time for you every day. It's why I love taking you to school every day. It's not often exciting, but it's something we do together every day. Play a song or two, chat about dreams we had, or something cool in Zelda, occasionally things about your school social life. But it's life together. And I am already sick over every second I'm going to miss of yours. Like, you and your sister are the most important things I've ever done. And it sucks that I don't get to see your whole life play out, at least not on this mortal plane where I'd get to hug you after every milestone.

But enough about my sadness for now. There's so much to love about you right now. Considering the difficult phase of life Codie is in, you're being an amazing big sister. The other day, you talked her through taking deep breaths to calm her down. So kind and smart.

You've got your heart on your shoulder, that's for sure. You can get hurt easily, but you also forgive easily. And you're so freakin' smart (oops – that's two!). The other day you asked me why football players are always so cold. I had no clue.

"Because of all the fans!", you said with an excited smile.

In keeping with the apple not falling far from the tree, you tend to gravitate towards all the screens.

We've started making rules like no iPad in the bathroom to fight this, in addition to some pretty strict screen time limits.

Of course, when tablet time is done, there's a Switch and TV to enjoy. We're working on it. But I do love getting to play Mario Wonder with you, and how much you love watching me play Zelda. I know soon you'll want to pick up the controller and play through it on your own. But for now, sharing a cup of grapes over Tears of the Kingdom is giving me life every time.

I always worry about what you're learning in life. I have some real concerns about you growing up here in Florida. There's a lot of hate and racism here and it's growing worse here every year. Combine that with a maligned and dysfunctional public education system and... well, I just want better for you. I want you to grow up around people who look different than you. I know you're smart, but I want to stack the deck in your favor, not against you. One day you'll get it.

For now, for 2024 though, my priority is my health.

Every time I say yes to another slice of Domino's or yes to sleeping in instead of hitting the gym, I am saying no to another Christmas with you. Another family vacation together.

But I'm holding firmly onto Hope. Let's grow together this year, okay?

Remember what you are. Te quiero mucho,

Dad

____________________________________________

Dear Codie,

You just turned three. To be candid, you're VERY tough to handle right now. For a while you would melt down at every little thing that didn't go your way. For now, you are a bit better about most of the time.

But bedtime. Oh my goodness, Codie. You won't go to bed.

We tried spanking (lightly – no one freak out), then we tried taking your stuffies away. Those worked about a single time each. So we tried being super kind and empathetic and that worked amazingly like twice. Then it didn't.

So for now, almost every single bedtime for you is a full hour of meltdown and pain in our home. It's awful. We both get so mad at you. You will literally look us in the eye at 7:30 and say that in five minutes you'll go to bed like a good girl. And 15 minutes later you've spent ten minutes going berserk about not going to bed.

Our working theory is that maybe you are having bad dreams? But you don't say that. You have said that you're scared of going to bed alone. Which is why there are like 20 stuffies in your bed every night. But there may as well be none, because they do not help you at all. Our next step that we haven't yet tried is melatonin gummies? We have to do something to fix this.

You are also in a VERY clingy phase. In the mornings you refuse to do anything if Mommy is not actively doing it with you. Go potty, get dressed, eat breakfast, it all needs Mommy's direct attention or it's morning meltdown time. At least you're consistent.

But it's not all bad. Far from it. When you're happy and playing, you're adorable. Your smile and laugh are second to none. The nonsensical dialect of "English" you've developed is like a cute trivia game every time we talk. I need to find the Duolingo course for it, but it does feel good when I interpret you properly.

And that's not to mention the hugs! You give the best hugs.

And when I come home from work, or you get home from daycare, and you know I'm in the house, I hear you before I see you. "DADDY!!" in the most gleeful tone and your little hurried footsteps racing to jump into my arms. That moment outweighs every meltdown (almost).

I look forward to seeing you grow up and I wonder what you'll be like when you turn seven.

I'm so, so, SO glad you already are starting to know and understand your affirmations. And when you are melting down and crying but you somehow manage to ask me for "deep breaths!" because you KNOW it helps calm you down? Well, it feels good to know I'm getting *something* right. That's pretty good emotional awareness for a 3 year old.

I have to go pick ya'll up now, Mommy's working late.

Amo mucho,

Daddy.

I don’t know what to tell you now. 

Where do I begin here? 

You’re getting really smart. You have an attitude sometimes. 

You have energy levels I can only aspire to at this point. 

You still run to hug me and yell “Daddy” and I love it every time. 

You’re big enough now that picking you up and carrying you to bed isn’t nearly as easy as it used to be. But I often think about how you won’t always ask me to do it, so whenever you do, I always say yes. 

You just spent the weekend with Grandma and Papa.

You’re also so freakin’ smart. 

It means so much to me when you’re willing to help out with Codie, helping her brush her teeth, put on pajamas, or just go check on her when she’s playing in another room. 

I’m starting to actively want to make sure that we are good friends, that I am a good friend to you, inasmuch as doing so still allows me to parent you well. I look forward to us being friends when you’re older. 

I also know that you’re getting old enough to notice that I’m fatter than a lot of the dads you see picking up and dropping off their kids at school and summer camp. And the thought crossed my mind the other day that you might even hear other kids call me fat. 

All of the sudden the same insecure feelings I had when I was a kid came roaring back like they’d never left. 

Kids can be cruel and worse, they lack the understanding that age brings, and the empathy that understanding brings. 

I hope you are never drawn into bullying others, and I hope that whatever bullying you experience never makes its way into your heart. 

I have hope in God, and hope in you, that you’ll grow up to be the things you call yourself each night. 

So many people in our state and our county (and our country too) are obsessed with taking away your freedom. They’re championing hatred for what is different, hatred for non-white people, hatred for non-straight people, hatred for poor people. 

And at your age I know you’re impressionable. I hope that we’re able to show you how to love others the way Jesus does. I hope that you see the hatred in so many for what it really is, and can really care about and show empathy for others. 

I want you to know so well that empathy for those different from us is not a weakness. That standing up for the rights of oppressed people is the done thing, the right way, God’s preferred course of action. I worry sometimes about raising you in a place that seems blind to those truths, but as I said, before I’m hopeful God can make us light in this darkness. Because it’s true, Charlie, you ARE

Thankful.

Loved. 

Beautiful. 

Smart.

Strong.

Brave.

Blessed.

Powerful.

Magical. 

Joyful. 

Anyway, it’s late and I have to get these clothes folded so I can get some sleep. 

Te amo mucho, 

Dad

But the main books I missed out on reading was a pile of Star Trek fiction, and against the protesting of the Trekkie in my heart, I’ll venture to say that my life didn’t suffer *too greatly from missing out on all of those books this year. 

Especially because I definitely enjoyed some Star Trek fiction; I just didn’t complete the list. My Federation eyes were far larger than my Starfleet stomach, it seems. 

But another year is here. Here’s what I plan to read in 2023:

Discipline is Destiny by Ryan Holiday

I just finished re-reading Willink’s Discipline is Freedom at the end of 22, and this one seems like a great followup. 

Put Your Ass Where Your Heart Wants to Be by Stephen Pressfield

Pressfield’s War of Art is one of my all time favorites, and this is his newest book. 

The Personal MBA by Josh Kaufman

I started this one in 2022, and I want to finish it this year.

Parenting Your Kindergartner by Kristen Ivy and Reggie Joiner

This is a tiny little read from Parent Cue and I want to finish it while my oldest is still in Kindergarten

Bullet Journal Method by Ryder Carroll

I’m finally giving pen and paper a proper try. Loving this method so far.

Dune by Frank Herbert 

Another I started last year and didn’t finish, but the movie was incredible so I want to dive back in.

Black by Ted Dekker

I read this series once a long time ago and loved it. My faith has shifted seismically since then, so I want to read it again. 

Delivering Happiness by Tony Hsieh

A classic and it’s been on my list for a long time.

Hip-Hop and Other Things by Shea Serrano

The final chapter in a thrilling trilogy by the amazing Shea Serrano

Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire by Steve Perry

One of the most classic books I’ve heard referenced in the Star Wars universe. Can’t wait to read this one.

Data-First Marketing by Janet Miller and Julia Lim

I have been discipled as a data-driven marketer for almost a decade so the title appealed to me and I bought it a year or so ago. 

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero

Another I’ve been meaning to read for a couple of years now. 

Star Trek: All Good Things by Michael Jan Friedman 

The show is brilliant, so I wanted to experience the novelization. And I’m a sucker for a good Star Trek book.

Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country by J.M. Dillard

This is another re-read for me – it’s been a long time and recently been pining for the Star Trek stories from around this period.

Spock’s World by Diane Duane

Another old Star Trek book about my all-time favorite character in Starfleet.

Not Nice by Aziz Gazipura

Although I tend to be a talker, I also have a tendency to avoid confrontation so I’m hoping this book helps.

Monk Habits for Everyday People Dennis Okholm and Jimmy Hodson

The monastic principles and lifestyle have always fascinated me, and this book suggests that normal folks can engage with those, so I’m here for it.

One More Thing: Stories and Other Stories by B.J. Novak

Obviously a big fan of his, but I have never read this – fixing that this year. 

Parenting: Getting It Right by Andy and Sandra Stanley

I read his book before this (Not In It to Win It) and it was fantastic. Looking forward to his parenting takes. 

Star Trek: Federation by Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens

Last-minute addition to the Star Trek reading for the year. I mean, anything with Kirk *and* Picard on the cover, yeah, I'm reading it.

Ogilvy On Advertising by David Ogilvy

I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to say you have a decade of marketing experience until you've read this book.

There’s 21 books here, but my actual goal is to only read 16. 

Why? Well, honestly, I wanted to give myself some choice. 8 months from now, I might not have the same flavors or tastes and I want to give myself room to choose some. 

Of course,  I may just choose one not on this list at all. It is my list after all. 

Anyway, what books are you planning to read this year? 

Follow along with me on Goodreads!

Have I written you before? I hope so.

I think I have. But I was better at writing Charlie letters, I'll admit that. Sorry for that.

When you're older you may realize that having a second kid removes the rest of the margin left in your life from when you had just one.

And I really can't fathom how people survive with any more than that, especially with both parents having careers.

Anyway, you just turned two. You're at an age where your cuteness and personality is catching up to your frustrating whiny fits and poopy diapers. I am a big fan of this development, as you may can guess.

Your smile and laugh are different from your sister's but equally disarming and perfect.

You didn't talk as much or as early as Charlie did, and that was in no small part to you having a lot of chronic ear infections as a baby and infant. You probably could barely hear us form phrases and words, so you were behind in forming them yourself.

Well, in late November you got tubes in your ears, and the difference is remarkable. You're less irritable overall and man do you love to talk now! You're not that great at pronouncing things yet, but that doesn't stop you from trying, and it's adorable.

You also LOVE Cocomelon. Charlie wasn't that into it, she kinda jumped right from Little Baby Bum to Blippi (and now to Bluey), but you are obsessed with Cocomelon. I have mixed feelings on this.

We're all really hoping you'll get back to sleeping all the way through the night more often than not, like you did for a long time.

But man do we love you. I gotta be honest with you, having a second kid was probably the scariest thing I've agreed to in my life. But so happy you're a person here with us on the planet, so there ya go.

I gotta go for now, can't wait to write you more. I'll try to make more of a habit I promise.

Love, Dad

Wow. I gotta be honest with you up front – this has been a really tough year for me. 

I found myself turning 40, still very out-of-shape, in a very bad job situation, with no time to think, rest, or least of all step back and enjoy life. 

I’m sorry we didn’t go on many adventures. I want to change that this year. 

Still, we had a lot of laughs and fun, given how little time we had together. 

You can almost beat me at Mario Kart. 

And you’re so freakin’ smart.

I’m so proud of you. 

As I get older, when I say that, I hear my Dad saying that to me. 

Listen you’ll learn more when you’re older. Nobody is perfect, and my Dad was no exception. 

But I never once doubted that he was proud of me. And I never want you to doubt that either. 

If I’ve done anything right this crazy year as a parent, it’s that I have started to have you tell me what you are at least once a day. And you love to do it. 

You are thankful. 
You are beautiful.
You are smart.
You are strong.
You are loved.

This is the first year that I have to actively decide whether or not to let you read these letters.

Because for the first time, I know you that you could. I promise I’m doing my best to get healthy so we can hang out for as long as possible. 

You’re at this great age, where I genuinely just love getting to hang out. You’re starting to really have musical taste.

Girl on Fire, Rudolph by Ben Rector. And let’s not forget me tearing up as we both belt out “This is Me” from the Greatest Showman” soundtrack. Peak dad moment for me for sure.

Bluey will be the first show we start legitimately watching together. Not me humoring you, or vice versa. Just enjoying the same show. 

I am sorry in advance to the times I start to tear up at the most mundane things. 

Whenever you ask me to “carry you like a princess” to bed, and I say no because I’m tired… I need you know that I often cry later about it. 

Because one day you won’t want that anymore. Some random time will be the last time I do that. WHY THE HELL WOULD I EVER SAY NO TO THAT? 

I don’t know. But it’s happened. I’m not perfect. 

You’re starting to be such an amazing big sister, too. I look forward to seeing you two become lifelong friends. It will be the first time I’ve seen this sibling thing play out close-up. 

I love how you tell me bad jokes, and laugh at mine. 
I love how you still want to fist bump, high five and ET phone home, in that order.
I love that you’re learning Spanish and telling me buenos noches at night.
I love that you still run up and want to jump in my arms and hug me. 

Dear God, PLEASE let me live long to see my sweet little girl come back around to enjoying my company after inevitably being distant during her teen years. 

Anyway, I have to write Codie as well, so I’ll sign off. 

I love you Charlie. Te amo, princesa.  

It’s 10 Paid Media Predictions for 2023. 

I’m honestly wary of Neil’s stuff, mostly because his site is absolutely spamtastic. So, it’s not a great model to follow if you care about your users experience. 

But there may still be some great things to learn about paid media.

So here I am.

Third-party cookies are ending.

Get first-party data instead. 

Podcast ads will boom even more.

Automation is on the rise.

Amazon, DOC, Walmart.com 

This is the time to double down. 

Your competition will go silent. You won’t.

Flywheel over funnel

The customer is at the center. 

Retargeting and remarketing are your friends. 

Create the culture that lets your best customers evangelize your brand. 

DSP - Demand Side Platform

Collecting reviews will become even more essential.

UGC is more important than ever.

Live shopping will take off.

Voice Search will continue to grow.

Native advertising will grow.

Social Commerce is about to take off.

Reaction: Meh. I guess there’s not *bad* advice here, but nothing really groundbreaking. I guess a “predictions” webinar is not really the place for hot takes, because you want to later be right about them. 

Problem is, I'm a day behind on the week's work.

One of the big downsides to being a one-man marketing department is you get no days off. I mean I can "take" a day off, but unless I planned ahead, those social posts aren't going out without me. No one else is going to respond to comments or inbound messages.

But I digress: Big things on the docket today:

• Plan the social weekly calendar (about 80 posts over 14 different channels)

• Prep and/or design the assets for the week's social media content

• Actually schedule out all the ones I can in Meta Business Suite and/or Buffer

You may be asking why I can't schedule all of them, and I'll tell you.

There are still some specific content types that are not eligible for scheduling in advance.

For example,

• Any instagram post that has a collaborator. If you don't tag the collaborator *when you post the content*, you're out of luck. And our channels are very collaborative, often more than a post a week is one that's cross-posted with a different channel we run.

• Reels content. As you may have guessed, we're posting more Reels. These are fun, and you can save them as drafts, but not actually schedule them out.

• LinkedIn posts that have more than one photo. Buffer is very cool, but it doesn't let you schedule out LinkedIn posts with several photos yet. Hopefully that can be added soon.

Besides those big things above, my day also has this:

• Drive into town for a team meeting

• Drive by our secondary warehouse to pack and ship an item that sold on eBay (a different hat I also wear).

• Engage with or reply to all incoming social media content on all channels.

• Handle all incoming email

Those last two will inevitably take longer than usual because of the aforementioned day off.

Alright, enough yapping from me. Let's get to it!

I'm going to experiment with blogging my daily work, of a work and a personal nature, to attempt to hold myself accountable to get (even) more done each day. Completing my daily tasks for work generally takes 9 to 10 hours of each day, so I really have to make the remaining ones count to get any personal stuff done. Productivity and efficiency are pretty paramount in this phase of my life.

For example, it is 11:27 pm as I type this, so I am currently sacrificing sleep to blog. My 20-month-old doesn't care that I blogged late tonight, she's still going to scream for her life at 6 am (or earlier).

Anyway, it's just a bit of a project to see if I can get back in the habit of blogging more. This site feels... dusty. I don't like that.

Let's try it in the morning.

It starts July 2nd and runs through Aug. 12th.

What is it?

It's a team effort that is a commitment to a few basic healthy habits for about 6 weeks that improve your health.

This graphic is a super-basic summary of what it entails.

The whole thing is gamified, so you check in daily on the app, and log your score and reflection. It's actually very simple and easy to do.

Why would you do this? A few possible reasons:

• You want to get in better shape.

• You desperately need to start losing weight so you live longer.

• You've been meaning to stretch more.

• You care about Drew and want to encourage him by joining his journey.

• You remember that accountability is about the only way you'll start to eat healthier or exercise more.

• You don't drink enough water and have been wanting to change that.

• You recently realized you're about half a year behind on your New Year's resolutions.

• Drew is awesome and if me doing this will help keep him accountable, I'm in.

• I'm just super competitive and if challenge is in the name, I'm in.

Now I don't which one or how many of those might have appealed to you, but hopefully enough did that you want to join.

Click here to join Drew's team (Getting Our Fit Together) for the Summer Whole Life Challenge!

I will likely be starting a Marco Polo and our group chat with the team to encourage each other more. Let's do this!

I barely have the time to write this. 

You just graduated VPK and are starting kindergarten in a couple of months. 

You’re so smart and learning so much every day. 

You’re in the phase of asking Google to play songs for you all the time. 

• Friend Like Me by Will Smith

• Pressure from Encanto

• We Don’t Talk About Bruno from Encanto

• Wanna be by the Spice Girls 

• One of the Good Ones by Gabby Barrett.

You’re also in the phase of LOVING to sit and watch me play Zelda or join me in playing Mario. 

I unsuccessfully fought back tears through your whole graduation ceremony. 

I don’t know what it is about you getting older that makes me cry. 

It’s not just sadness, though that’s part of it. 

It’s not just joy, though that’s part of it, too. 

I think it’s recognizing the temporal nature of who we all are on this planet. 

I have to go back and watch videos to remind myself what two-year-old you was even like. 

It’s very strange to see you grow and become different versions of you and knowing that the old ones are gone forever. 

What I wouldn’t give to see two-year-old Charlie play with Codie right now. 

I can picture it, but it can’t happen. It’s saddening in its own way. 

It reminds me that I’m really just being granted a front row seat to watch you blaze through time, growing, changing, adapting, learning. SO. FAST. 

When I metaphorically peek my head out and look up and down the timeline, it’s an odd, deep sorrow, but also in a sense of cosmic comfort. This is the way.

I see myself as a little kid. My mom and dad trying to raise me. Relatives noting how fast I’m growing.

I see my grandfather passing. My dad passing. My grandmother passing. They all got to meet me and see part of my journey. But they didn’t get to meet you, or witness a single second of yours. It’s a wholly natural part of life, but still such a source of grief.

I see myself getting married. Choosing to have kids. You being born and our lives changing forever. 

Then your sister being born. You two both learning to interact with each other. 

Then I look down the road further. I see you in high school. I see you in college. I see you making it to the moon. Getting married perhaps. Having kids of your own, maybe. Hopefully so, if for no other reasons than karma and another adventure we’ll have both been on. 

I hope I am alive long enough to see so much of your journey, Charlie Hope. 

It's also a reminder of how important it is to just take a moment and appreciate you every day. The present moments so quickly turn into past ones that you have to be intentional to experience them. I need to do better at that – I'm trying.

I love how confident you are. At your graduation, they had each of you say into a mic your name and what you wanted to be when you grew up. You were the first to say "gonna be" not want to be.

"My name is Charlie and when I grow up I'm gonna be an astronaut and a pilot."

Your emotions are big, but not deep or long lasting. You will say you’re having the worst year because you got sent to your room, but 20 minutes later we’re laughing and playing. 

If you’re reading this and old enough to understand – please hold onto integrity and character. They are infinitely important to your journey and also the best ways to guarantee a good night’s rest.

I still say almost every night to you: 

Do you know that Mommy and Daddy love you very very much?
Do you know that we love you no matter what bad things you do?
No matter what good things you do? 
Who else loves you like that? (Jesus).

Now you’re peeking through my office door with a stormtrooper lego man so I think I have to be done on the computer for now.

I love you Charlie.

- Dad

My life and job and parenting take up a tremendous amount of my time. And my quest to lose weight takes up even more of the shreds that are left.

But I have so much I want to say.
Are they *really* important things? No.

But I am compelled regularly to make things, to tell stories, to create content.

It's so easy – especially when life is so busy – to fill the cracks and crevices with pure distraction and pleasure.

For me recently, that's been Metroid Dread on Switch (podcast episode there for sure) and Galaga Wars on Apple Arcade.

So I have to choose to put those things down for a while.

It's the time equivalent of empty calories. Minutes that taste good going down for sure. But you're left un-nourished but having wasted (and waisted) calories on something that isn't what's best for you.

So, here I am, wading back into this pool of making.

Yep, just a blog post to start. It's not much, but it's a start.

I have a blog here.
I have a youtube channel and a tiktok.
I have a podcast.

In an ideal world, I'd focus all my energy on one channel and *really* start shipping out content.

But for now, I'm happy to at least start making again, for myself.

I'll do my best to blog about each one as I finish, but no promises. I'm actually 5 books in, and I haven't even found the time to chat about them into a mic for my podcast. And I type far slower than I write. So... don't get your hopes up.

What's on your reading list for 2022?

You're welcome, Dairy Queen. Big fan of the Oreo Blizzards.

Somehow I skillfully dodged both.

But that’s going to change this year. 

More to come on the fitness part, but first I want to share my reading list for 2021. 

The War of Art by Stephen Pressfield

I’ve read this book about half a dozen times, but the last 3-4 have been by audiobook. This year I’m going through it chapter by chapter with some friends. If you haven’t read it yet, consider this another sign from the universe that you’re supposed to read it.

4 Disciplines of Execution by Chris McChesney, Sean Covey, Jim Huling

I’m slightly cheating because I read a few chapters of this book in late 2020. Written by one of the Coveys (of Stephen Covey Planners fame), it’s a little more geared toward business than I was originally thinking. But even a couple chapters in, I can already see that I will be getting a lot of practical life advice out of this book

The Road by Cormac McCarthy

This one has been on my “classics to read” list for years, but after Ryan Holiday’s recent endorsement, I knew I needed to read it soon.

Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport

Despite what my wife may say, I am, in real life at least, a pretty minimalist person. I am also an early-adopter of new tech, which is seemingly juxtaposed in thinking, but I tend to buy fast and get rid of things fast too, because I love getting rid of clutter and simplifying.

My digital life is another story, for sure. I’ve heard enough of Cal Newport’s podcast to know that this book will likely have a BIG impact on pruning my digital life well.

The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron, Suzanne Stabile

As a Type 912, I am often confused about my enneagram type. There has never been a clear consensus of what type I am across the dozen or more tests I’ve taken to find out.

Everyone has had the same advice – “you just need to read the book, and you’ll figure it out.”

So, yeah let’s do it.

12 Rules for Life by Jordan B. Peterson

I have heard at least half a dozen people tell me this book changed their life. I have also seen and read some problematic things from the author on the internet.

But, I still love (and own) the Harry Potter books, so I feel like I owe this book a shot. I’m betting that the positive impact of this book will override any of the problematic things he has said online.

How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi

I meant to read this last year, before I basically gave up reading for a few months. But this kind of education is too important to miss.

Crushing It! by Gary Vaynerchuk

Always been a fan (to a point) of Gary Vee, and considering the new job I’m starting, this will be a great refresher and renewal of marketing passion and drive.

The Book of Joe by Jeff Wilser

Jeff Wilser has been a favorite author of mine for a long time. Also, this book was written long before Biden was a frontrunner in the presidential race. Excited to get a non-hyped, genuine look at our new president.

The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday

I have long admire the stoic wisdom I get from the likes of Tim Ferriss and Ryan Holiday, particularly the Daily Dad emails. This seems like a logical next step in learning more about stoic thinking as well as helping developing a daily reading habit.

The Office: The Untold Story by Andy Greene

This book is a massive treasure chest filled with the most interesting and heartwarming stories about my favorite show of all-time. I can barely forgive myself for having not finished it yet. But I will this year.

Necessary Endings by Dr. Henry Cloud

I stumbled across this book not long after I was unceremoniously dropped from a company I loved and worked for for 7 years with no warning and no explanation. Considering how powerful Cloud’s other book, Boundaries, is, it feels like my emotional health needs the benefits this book can bring.

Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Dr. Meg Meeker

I have already this book once, on the recommendation of a friend who has 4 daughters of his own. It was immensely helpful in framing my mind as a dad of daughters. It's worth a re-read now that my second daughter sometimes makes eye contact with me (she's 6 weeks old now).

The Personal MBA by Josh Kaufman

I have had this paperback for years now, and it's consistently mocked me for not reading it yet, really taunting me this fall as I was looking for a new job. This is the year I learn its lessons, and shut it up.

Note: When linking this book above, I discovered that last fall Kaufman updated the book with a second edition, so yeah, that's salt in the wound there.

So there’s my list. 14 books, including two re-reads and two more I've read some of already. I think I can make it happen.

I hope to update here, on Goodreads, and on Twitter with my thoughts about these books as I journey through them. Follow me there to keep up.

What are you reading in 2021? 

A lot has changed this year. Not all for the better. But some!

I am still down about 10 lbs. from the beginning of the year.

Despite everything that’s going on, my health is still the biggest battle I have to fight, and the most important way I can love you best. The better shape I’m in, the longer I am around to love you and raise you well.

Soon you’ll have a sister. And no, we’re not naming her “Mister Sister” so stop saying that.

While I don’t know the name yet, I definitely feel the burden of making sure I am a good dad to her too.

You and me, Charlie, we both have a LOT of lessons coming our way fast. You on how to be a good sibling, and me (and your Mom) on how to parent TWO children at the same time.

We only have 3 controllers for the Wii, so we’ll have to get another one. As if that’s remotely our big concern right now.

I am no longer working at Fracture. So starting my next career chapter is my biggest concern at the moment, aside from my health.

In fact, health is the other big concern, for all three of us.

It breaks my heart when I hear you ask if the Coronavirus is over yet.

You should never have known this word.

But keeping you safe is paramount, as is keeping your mom and your sister safe. And, because of my own past choices, I am probably in the highest danger among us from COVID-19. And I’m working to lower that risk every day.

But enough sadness, let’s talk about how awesome you are.

You love playing Mario Bros. Mostly we play on Super Mario Bros. Wii but sometimes you ask to play “the new one with a 3” which is actually just the old Super Mario Bros 3 for NES.

You even bingewatched the old, TERRIBLE Mario Bros. show on Netflix for a while and loved it. The Zelda stuff was a little too much for your age.

Now you’re onto Molang and, at least currently, you’re watching the Lego Black Panther cartoon like it’s going out of style.

And your favorite song is the Catchy Song from the Lego Movie soundtrack, which I love, because that song slaps. Don’t @ me.

You can go get your own PB&J from the freezer in the morning, and you can get your icepack when you get a booboo. Basically, you’re tall and strong enough to open the freezer and you’re flexing that independence.

Speaking of flexing that independence, you are passionate about getting your way. It’s one of your most annoying traits, as your parent. But I love seeing the fire in your eyes, and I can’t wait to see where that passion flows when you’re picking a school, a hobby, or a career.

You do this thing where you say, in anger, “I’m NEVER gonna be your friend, EVER AGAIN, until you’re nice to me!” This is usually when I’ve warned you that you’ll lose your toys if you come out of your bedroom again and you do, and so I take them away.

Honestly, it hurts hearing those words more than I care to admit.

There are little adventures we can do together now, walks together as a family, playing play dough together, or tossing all the various sized balls to you to catch and cheering when you do and watching you laugh so hard when you don’t.

I can’t wait to play more games and go on more adventures with you as you grow up even more.

You still want to leave “footprints on the moon” as an astronaut when you grow up and I know you can do it.

That’s why I really LOVE when I get to tell you to try again at something that you say you can’t do, like buckle your own seatbelt or climb onto a chair. I’m doing whatever I can do to make you believe that you can work hard, and grow, and improve at almost anything you commit to.

I HAVE to believe that that’s true because right now it’s the only life I can now lead to continue to be a good father to you.

I can’t wait to see you take on more and greater challenges as you grow faster than I want you to, and I hope you always can laugh that perfect laugh of yours when you fail because it’s another chance to learn, and grow, and try again.

For 3 and a half years now, I’ve told you every night:

“Do you know that Mommy and Daddy love you very much?

Do you know that we love you no matter what good things you do?

Do you know that we love you no matter what bad things you do?”

I pray that you will be a great big sister, encouraging and loving and caring and kind.

I love you so much.

Love, Dad

As it turns out, I may like podcasting more than blogging.

For one thing, I can get a *little* more than 40 words a minute out of my brain by speaking. Go figure.

Also, the fact that podcasts have "episodes" means that there is more built-in pressure to produce them on a more regular basis.

And "podcast host" in my bio differentiates me substantially from the thousands of other "bloggers" out there who are just basically SEO spammers-for-hire.

Anyway, enough rambling, let's get to me rambling.

http://drewrantsandraves.com

... you're still here? Fine.

You want to know what my podcast is about? Fine.

It's me, ranting and raving. Specifically, though. Each episode is me *ranting* about something I don't like or find annoying, as well as me *raving* about something I find awesome.

What do I usually rant and rave about? Well, it varies, honestly, but it's been a little heavy on tech platforms recently. The big players, mostly; Spotify, Google, Apple, I'm sure there will be more there.

But, to be clear, over the years, I have ranted many times over many timeless topics like the weather, bad drivers, and pandemics.

Anyway, if you're somehow here and reading this, you should definitely subscribe to my podcast.

That's all for now.

But I’m doing another weight loss plan. And it seems to be working pretty well so far. 

If you know me, you know I’ve tried so many different things over the years. Some of them seemed to work really well. Others seemed to do basically nothing.

Ultimately, none of them worked because none of them left me in a permanently better place. 

What I am doing right now has been working. 

What am I doing? 

Well I hired a trainer (which I’ve done before) but this time it is a nutrition coach as well as a fitness trainer. We don’t meet in person (after our initial chat). 

He sends me meal plans and workouts and I log any mistakes and check in once a week with a weigh in and report. He sometimes adjusts my workouts or meal plans accordingly. 

That’s it. I am at the gym for about an hour every day. I am prepping pretty much every meal I eat (or only ordering specific food types when I go out to eat) 

Ultimately what I’m doing is eating a moderate healthy diet of a good amount of veggies, some protein and a little carbs, and doing a good mix of cardio and weight workouts every day. 

Reading that, I know what you might be thinking. “Duh! of course that’s how you lose weight. Why have you never tried that before, dummy??” 

Well I definitely have. And I can tell you what’s different about this. 

Accountability

This is a big one. Every week I have to send my trainer an email that lists every way that I didn’t adhere to the meal or workout plans. That includes every donut, and every time I skipped cardio because I was running late. This is painful at times but it really does help to curb how many times I choose… poorly. 

Investment

Hiring a trainer isn’t cheap; neither is hiring a nutritionist. Technically I’m enlisting both of those services in one, and nope, that’s not cheap either. In addition to paying for a gym membership, I pay my trainer in 3 month increments. Knowing that I’m putting time, energy, and a not-small sum of money into this plan helps keep me from giving in to those random days when someone brings a box of donuts for the office. 

Authority

My trainer is a competitive bodybuilder whose career is training and coaching people on fitness and nutrition. So despite being – on the surface – super basic advice, it helps me stick to the plan when I that the person telling me the plan is in stellar physical shape. 

Specificity

Speaking of the plan, it’s worth noting that I have VERY specific types of food and ounces of each type of food to eat laid out for my every meal. It’s simple but very specific to follow. The beauty of this is that it rules out my own sense of moderation. Here are a few actual examples of my own moderation nutritionally: 

• Well I know I’m stopping at McDonald’s but I won’t get a McFlurry this time, and I getting small fries, and Diet Coke, and no I don’t the DOUBLE Quarter Pounder with Cheese, the normal one will do. 

• I can totally get a desert because I had a side salad before my entree.

• I always add cheddar to my scrambled eggs because I read a Keto book once.

• Slow recumbent biking for 30 minutes at the gym is way better than not going to the gym.

• That was a great workout, I deserve a giant protein smoothie.

• I’m not getting a Coke Icee, Popcorn, AND Skittles; healthily just choosing Popcorn and the Icee. 

My brain is a MASTER at convincing me that a terrible choice is actually a wise one. So  the specific plan I now have doesn’t leave much room at all for me screw it up. 

I do get one cheat MEAL a week, and after going buck wild the first couple of weeks with those, my stomach was VERY clear with me that I needed to tone that down. 

Sustainability

I know I just talked about how this plan is very specific, and it is. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t sustainable. Most adults, when they’re doing life well, prepare most of their weekly meals instead of eating out every meal.

That’s pretty sustainable, and it’s basically what I’m doing. There have been some moments when social pressure has been high, but it’s been great training to my discipline, and also in some cases, as I mentioned above, I can find something on-plan to order, and still get to connect with friends over a dinner out. 

Why am I doing it? 

Well the one sentence goal is: 

I want to dance with my daughter at her wedding. 

And no, I don’t want her to get married young just to help that happen. 

But beyond that, and maybe deeper than that – I want to conquer my own body. For most of my life my uncontrollable appetite has been in charge, and I curb it here or there, but I’ve only ever slightly delayed the morbid obesity to which I have succumbed.

In terms of measurable goals,

my goal for 2020 is to lose 50 lbs.

I may just exceed that this year at my current rate, and I certainly hope to lose a total of at least 80 lbs, eventually. 

I want to be out of XLs and XXLs and out of pants that most brands don’t even carry unless I special order it from their website. 

I don’t want to have my own boobs anymore. I’m ok with pecs, but not boobs. 

I want to have to get that surgery because I have too much extra skin floppin around.

So now, I fight back. If I win nothing else in this world, I will be in good physical shape.  

So how is it going? 

As I write this, I’m just over 8 weeks into the plan.

Right now I’m down a whole size across pants, shirts, and coats, and

I’ve lost 19 lbs since January 6th. 

I also feel a lot better. My average heart rate is down by close to 10 bpm from what it was in December.

I can actually feel musculature taking shape underneath this Klumpian fat suit I’m wearing. 

I have started to test being off of omeprazole and though I’m not quite there, I’m starting to need it less often.

I don’t quite feel like a decrepit pile of junk whenever Charlie asks me to sit down on the ground. It’s not easy yet, but it’s much more doable. 

I have a long way to go, but I am on my way, and I’m not stopping. 

What do I need? 

Encouragement. Words of affirmation is my number one love language, and when I get encouraged, it just gives me a huge boost. Follow my stories at @thedrewallen on Instagram to follow along, and at some point there may be more video content about my journey. 

I leave you with a quote from a current hero of mine: 

“Success isn’t always about ‘Greatness’, it’s about consistency. Consistent, hard work gains success. Greatness will come.”

Feel free to leave encouragement or questions in the comments.

But I what I really like to do most, is imagine you meeting Charlie. The leather squeaking on that old recliner as you leaned forward with arms outstretched, beckoning her to come running into your arms. Her laughing as you picked her up and tickled her.

Every time I bounce her on my knee, I think of you, bouncing me on yours.

I wish we could hop in your truck, grab some Pepsis, and fish off the pier, idly chatting about nothing before you came around to a serious moment and telling me how proud you are of me and how much you love Charlie. To be honest, you'd probably also get somber and tell me to "take care of both of those girls, ya hear?" and I would assure you I was and I would.

I know that you would want to let Charlie ride on your lap on that little tractor of yours, and we'd probably get talked into letting her. And she would love it, and you would be grinning, and we'd have this super cute photo of it, and you would make a joke about starting an "instagram or whatever nonsense you're into"

Anyway, I love you Papa. and I miss you. And though she doesn't even know it, Charlie does too.

The other day an older gentleman invited me to a "sing" and it made me think of you. You loved going to that one of those every time they had one.

I think you're probably enjoying a pretty good Birthday sing right now, Papa.

Love, Drew

So this weekend, I tried to make sure I had my GoPro on me, and I made it a point to shoot what was happening.

But shooting footage has never really been my issue. I have done that a lot in my life.

If you know me, typically I stay WAYYY behind schedule on actually editing that footage into a cool little video to share or recap an adventure I had.

So as Sunday evening approached, with nothing on my radar except to watch Game of Thrones, I decided I would try to download the footage and make the whole video that night. So that’s what I did.

This video took me about 3 hours, but I also watched a Game of Thrones episode during it, so that slowed me down considerably. Anyway, hope you like it.

[youtube=://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tkTC_uD3P4g&w=854&h=480]

Lessons learned from this project:

Shoot more things.

There were some moments I shied away from using the camera. I won’t do that again.

Get a lens cap.

My GoPro model doesn’t support a cover, but I think the Black model does. ;)

I need a better mic.

The onboard mic of the GoPro isn’t bad, but I’d prefer something better.

My daughter loved the GoPro.

I think she may need to start using mine as a hand-me-down. :)

It’s been way too long since I’ve wrote you.

Now you point out your bellybutton and your “baginta” in the bathtub, so yeah, you’re growing right on up.

You say things like, “It’s probably in your room” and “Why not” and “Not right now” and it’s all just adorable.

You walk up to me and hold your arms up and say, “I wanna hold you” and I know what you really mean, and I pick you up.

One time recently, I picked you up for a hug, and without provocation, you whispered in my ear, “I love you very much.” And it took every ounce of energy in me to not embarrass myself blubbering in front of everyone who was with me at the time.

Truth be told: I haven’t been spending as much time with you as I want to be.

Work is busy and so is life, and neither of those are really excuses.

One thing that keeps coming to mind is just how little most people remember before they hit 4 or 5 years old. It’s the reason you haven’t been to Disney yet, because it’d be simpler to burn a few hundred bucks in a garbage can and at least save the gas money and sunburn.

And while that is true, I want to be making some amazing memories with you for my sake, and I want our daddy/daughter date nights to be a tradition for us long before you start remembering them.

There is a thing I saw on the internet that I keep meaning to start with you. You’re almost too young at this point, but you’re getting close to the age where I could do it. It goes like this:

Parent: Do you see my eyes? Child: Yes Parent: Can you see that I see your eyes? Child: Yes. Parent: Do you know that I love you? Child: Yes. Parent: Do you know that I love you no matter what good things you do? Child: Yes. Parent: Do you know that I love you no matter what bad things you do? Child: Yes. Parent: Who else loves you like that? Child: God does. Parent: Even more than me? Child: Yes. Parent: Rest in that love.

I know it might seem cheesy, but I just love that.

Honestly, the biggest problem I see with doing it at this point is that I will be weeping by the end of it.

Anyway, Charlie Hope, if there’s anything I’m putting in the win column at this point it’s helping you brush your teeth, and telling you I love you. One thing that I know I’m able to do well that my Dad did well for me, is to tell you how much I love you.

Charlie, I love you very much.

My biggest fear for you right now is that I won’t get my fit together in time to be alive to see your kids.

My next biggest fear is that you will somehow end up bigoted, racist, entitled, or worse, all of the above.

So I’m trying to lose some weight, allay my fears, and just love the heck out of you now and do what I can to shield you from judgement, hate, or prejudice.

OK, I need to go get some tissues.

I’ll write again soon,

Dad